make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
