Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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