even my farts smell like vagina
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I supernannyed him into submission
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
