i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
