in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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