In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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