i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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