Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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