I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
