Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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