You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize