I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
