I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
