she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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