How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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