Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
