Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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