whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
