I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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