I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
