oh and then you called a time out with your penis
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
