Soap is not a condiment
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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