I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Say something about gay babies.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
