so explain again why im purple
no
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
