i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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