i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
