so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
