Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
