i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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