Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wish they made helmets for livers.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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