i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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