I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
