is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
