u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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