So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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