Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize