im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
