No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
