whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
The ass gains better be worth it
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