I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
