I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
