im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
