Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
