It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
