from now on my penis is your penis
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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