Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
