glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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