Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
