I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
