She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
