Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
