I am in a vortex of obligation.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize