Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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