Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
birth control should be required to get into college
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Randomize
