then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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