so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
