yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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