you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
