i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
