i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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