guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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