I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
