HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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