I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
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you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
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i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize