There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
