Having a random hookup so left but love u
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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