No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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