I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
