After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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