i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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