If i come over, it means nothing
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
