Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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